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(no subject) [Jul. 8th, 2005|03:30 pm]
deija i'll buy you a plane ticket to ny..
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2005|02:58 pm]
my cold medicine is making me high. it always does that. plus i spray-painted a table in my room and it was too heavy to take downstairs so i did it in my room. fumes.
i'm sick. i feel like a tiny little piece of crap.
stayed at nikki's sunday night cuz chris was coming monday to pick up the rest of his shit and i didn't wanna be here. monday we had a tornado warning. state of emergency crap, so we went out to the cliffs with her boss. it was cool. brought some beer and mike's lemonade, some really good weed. it was fun. then we went to this kids house for a couple hours and did nothing. then i came home and went to sleep.
soon i'm gonna curl up in bed and watch lemony snickets, however you say it. a series of unfortunate events. i have to wait until most of the fumes clear out though.
ugh. i hate being sick.
ned went up to woodstock the other day and bought me cherry flavored rolling papers. they've got little cherries on them. good shit. i'm gonna have to fund some more.
i'm so bored i feel boring.
i need a boy toy. something to play with. but all the guys in pine bush are losers and i know this and i want to avoid getting caught up in that shit. damn. damn damn damn.
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2005|08:36 pm]
check this site out. it took my breath away.
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(no subject) [Jun. 1st, 2005|02:26 pm]
[music |sublime]

what's today? wednesday? yeah it is cuz ned's working.
monday i went shopping with kiley and her douchebag boyfriend. he's like 28 and he demands respect for being 28. he acts like he's an old man with acheds and pains we couldn't understand, he talks about the goold old days. i can't stand him. but even he said he never liked chris so that showed me something. anyways, yeah so the way i see their relaionship is that he thinks he's her father and she lets him think and act like that because he takes care of her and buys her shit. i can't stand the guy. he tells her how to drive. he knows EVERYTHING. ugh. so we had to rush cuz he was tagging along, then we saw nikki and i had plans to hang out with her later so i just went with her to save kiley gas. i had a 12 pack of my bitch beers and nikki got beer and we were hanging with these guys from pine bush who aren't any good but they're fun to hang out with. we parked at 5 corners and nikki went with this girl to get the pills and the rest of us sat in her car and got drunk. then this guy came back with week so i bought some, and then nikki came back so we dropped them off and went home to get ready. i was drunk and high, nikki was getting there, so we went to my house and amelia and ned were here. we didn't leave the house til 1:30 and ned ended up coming. me and nikki started to roll, thwn we took some more pills. we got out to new paltz and joe's wasn't even open cuz it was memorial day. so we parked and wakled around and smoked some bowls, then we got lottery tickets. i spent $24, i won $1. oh well. it was fun. so we went home and nikki and me decided we weren't gonna sleep cuz she had an overnight tonight at work and she wanted to be able to sleep durring the day today. so around 8 we stopped drinking beer and started drinking coffe we killed 2 pots before we left the house, and then we went to dunkin donuts. went to the bank, the grocery store, then we went to the courthosue to find out we didn't have court today. went to the mall, dunkin donuts then the candy store then the movies to see madagascar. cute movie, it seemed like it only lasted half an hour. back to dunkin donuts. then we went to yankee candle where i spent 60 bucks for 3 candles, but they smell good. i said i wasn't gonna spend any more money, but we still had time to kill before we met the lady who's car i was gonna look at so we went to best buy because i needed a stereo cuz chris took his with him. i got this kick ass system, it's sony and it's silver and it's little and compacted and it sounds great. so i got a couple cd's to go with it. 5. then i said i wasn't gonna spend any more money, sat in the parking lot and remembered that i needed ink cartridges for the printer, so that was 70 something. ugh.
spending money is starting to stress me out.
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(no subject) [May. 7th, 2005|12:23 pm]
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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2005|01:06 pm]
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |deftones and korn- wicked]

when my mom was dying in the hospital, i told her that i was exactly the type of person i'd like to be, and i thanked her for making me that way. her response was that she “helped”.
this is a tribute to my mom. she left us two weeks ago, and honestly- my prevailing emotion is gratitude. i am so grateful that i was blessed with such a person to me by mom. even though our relationship was cut short, i'm just so thankful that out of all the people in this world, i was blessed with the very best of them to be my mom. i'm 18, and i lost my mom, but instead of feeling slighted, i just feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to know her, to be raised and influenced by her. to have been taught be her and to have felt her love every day of my life. she was the most beautiful person there ever was, truly, inside and out. and she was by far the smartest person i ever met. so compassionate and caring, she loved so much. she loved flowers. lilac, lavender and violets were her favorites. and she was friends with all the butterflies in the world. she loved them all. she was so strong. everyone always knew exactly where they stood with her, and they all loved and respected her just the same. she always stood up for everything she believed in, and she was always always true to herself. she was so strong. i need to say that again. she was so damn strong, but at the same time, so compassionate. she loved so much, and in turn, she was loved by all. few people really make a difference in this world, but my mom did. she touched so many people. i could search out and count up all the people she helped, but that would be an endless task. my mom truly made this world a more beautiful place. i'm not a religious person at all, but i look out my window now and i know she's out there. every time i look up at the sky, i notice that it's beautiful in a way i never noticed before. i “lost” my mom in the literal sense of the word, but i know that she'll never ever really be gone. she's everywhere. she's everything that's beautiful. she's inside me. in my thoughts, in my decisions, in everything i do; in my mind my heart and my soul. i can never really lose her. she's everything that i am, and i feel so lucky.
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there go my hopes for an improved america. whooosh. right down the toilet. [Nov. 3rd, 2004|04:44 pm]
[mood |pissed offpissed off]
[music |for some reason i've been singing "thriller" all day.]

i never post anymore
nobody probably even reads this
oh well

i am fucking appalled that bush got reellected. bullshit. fuck this country. the united states is going down the tubes, mark my words.

i had fun on halloween. i was supposed to work, but nikki and ed came down to the restaurant around 7 and ed came in crying saying nikki got into a car accident so they let me go. we went to all the farmers' houses. let me tell you. brilliant. they were all so happy that they got any trick or treaters at all that they were all just giving us handfulls of candy. plus we were drinking beer all night, so it was good. i now have like 3 little hersheys bars left. i told my boyfriend that no matter how skinny i may be now, i'll always be a fatty at heart. and it's true.

my boyfriend..... i don't even know. shit's so up and down with him i can't tell which way is up anymore. he's got major mood swings. no exaggeration. i know, it's the pot calling the kettle black, but it's not even like that. so we end up fighting ALL the time over bullshit. you know what my theory is? i think that chris has had it hard his whole life. he's been through hell, basically, and he's so used to being generally pissed off all the time. and now that he lives here, he just can't relax and realise that that shit is over. and i have no idea what to do about that.
i'm excited because ed's having a party on friday (chris doesn't know it's ed's party, he thinks i'm spending "girl time" with nikki. whatever) and on saturday we're going to kiley's because she just got a new place so she's having a housewarming party thing. haven't chilled with kiley in mad long. looking forward to that. unless chris gets drunk and ruins the fucking party like he did at the last one we went to. ugh. only time will tell, i guess. we'll see. but yeah, i'm excited because i never get out of this house. i'm pathetic lately. i don't know what it is. depression maybe. that's what my mom would say. it's probably true if i took the time to think hard enough about it, but fuck that psychobabble bullshit. i'm good.

i have to go get ready to go to the dentist now. whoooo, i know.
maybe i'll post again sometime.
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(no subject) [Oct. 7th, 2004|02:44 pm]
Things you should believe to be a loyal and righteous Republican today:

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations; and our highest
national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money, but
crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body; but
multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without

6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for
governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.

11. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science; but
creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades; but
George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest; but
what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist; but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

Democrats' rebuttal:

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2004|12:56 pm]
i know i never write in this anymore, but i need to put this out.
and if you're not registered to vote, fuckin do it. what the hell is wrong with people that they're too damn lazy to fill out some forms so that george bush can get out of the presidential office. how can you look at the two and not think that kerry is the FUCKING OBVIOUS choice? george bush, what a fucking chump. if you ask me he's just like one of those spoiled brats who don't listen to reason and just do things their way. and HELLO he's running the country here. has anybody noticed that he's not really running the usa, more like, he's trying to take over the world? john kerry's talking about more researchers on cell stems to cure aids and cancer. george w's talking about good american boys dying for our country. hello, we don't even need to be at war now. that's the whole point of government, different areas with different leaders. they're eating babies in cambodia and bush doesn't care, no, it's none of our damn business. the usa is like, the best, most powerful country, right? why the fuck don't they use that power to make THIS country a better place to live. that's what the fuck they should be doing.

so, i'm asking you, i'm begging you, register to vote and vote for kerry
the end
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(no subject) [Jul. 24th, 2004|01:49 pm]
How to make a ruth

3 parts friendliness

3 parts arrogance

5 parts leadership
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of sadness and a pinch of salt. Yum!
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