||[Mar. 14th, 2005|01:06 pm]
|||||deftones and korn- wicked||]|
when my mom was dying in the hospital, i told her that i was exactly the type of person i'd like to be, and i thanked her for making me that way. her response was that she “helped”.
this is a tribute to my mom. she left us two weeks ago, and honestly- my prevailing emotion is gratitude. i am so grateful that i was blessed with such a person to me by mom. even though our relationship was cut short, i'm just so thankful that out of all the people in this world, i was blessed with the very best of them to be my mom. i'm 18, and i lost my mom, but instead of feeling slighted, i just feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to know her, to be raised and influenced by her. to have been taught be her and to have felt her love every day of my life. she was the most beautiful person there ever was, truly, inside and out. and she was by far the smartest person i ever met. so compassionate and caring, she loved so much. she loved flowers. lilac, lavender and violets were her favorites. and she was friends with all the butterflies in the world. she loved them all. she was so strong. everyone always knew exactly where they stood with her, and they all loved and respected her just the same. she always stood up for everything she believed in, and she was always always true to herself. she was so strong. i need to say that again. she was so damn strong, but at the same time, so compassionate. she loved so much, and in turn, she was loved by all. few people really make a difference in this world, but my mom did. she touched so many people. i could search out and count up all the people she helped, but that would be an endless task. my mom truly made this world a more beautiful place. i'm not a religious person at all, but i look out my window now and i know she's out there. every time i look up at the sky, i notice that it's beautiful in a way i never noticed before. i “lost” my mom in the literal sense of the word, but i know that she'll never ever really be gone. she's everywhere. she's everything that's beautiful. she's inside me. in my thoughts, in my decisions, in everything i do; in my mind my heart and my soul. i can never really lose her. she's everything that i am, and i feel so lucky.